If the small things of life are crushing you then you’re not focused on big enough things.
— Erwin McManus

I'm in month three already in 2017 and I can't believe we only have 9 more to go until 2018. So far for 2017 I made a commitment to myself that I would keep learning when I felt paralyzed. I want to not stop asking questions and I want to continue to be thirsty. I told a friend recently that I like to share bits of my process in growing through good and bad times because it's when I'm the most willing to recall all the vulnerable details. I would normally wait to share it until I come to a complete thought but I don't want to do that this time around because our thoughts are never truly complete. In fact, I believe unfinished thoughts can be some of the most beautiful because we are willing to let them be a "to be continued" moment in our life. 

If you've followed along on social you've seen my journey of quitting my full-time job, owning a business, becoming a leader, growing a vision, being a wife, a friend to many, and learning how to be the best version of myself that I can be. It's been a very fast 5 years and with all the change and evolution of who I am becoming the recipe would call for messy and not smooth and I'm okay with that. It's when we are successful that we are weak. When we fail and struggle is when we see our strength. I truly believe God has given me that strength for it is not my own strength I want to depend on. I've seen the messy parts of myself that isn't anything to be proud of but I've seen the messy parts that have made me more aware of who I am, who I am not, and who I want to continue to become. I've read many books and listened to too many podcasts on personal development and I've asked experts what their perspective is on God, purpose, love, shame, guilt, and all the beautiful and broken things that make up a human being. 

I don't know where that drive comes from or the curiosity to desire more depth in understanding. It may be that I'm not content with being. It could be that I always see ways of improvement and get an emotional high from seeing and feeling. Growing up my dad would always share Charles Stanley, Louie Giglio, Andy Stanley, Francis Chan, Rob Bell, and Jim Rohn videos with me. We would listen to podcasts over and over and we would talk about what they meant. The school I attended took an hour long there and an hour long back and I would sit there and listen while every now and then snoozing off, for most of the time I was listening. I guess you could say I grew up conditioned to be curious about people's lives.

I've journaled a little over 22,000 words since January 1. My one encouragement to journaling is to not with hold what is inside you for fear it's right or wrong. I joke that I would one day write a book but I'm not sure where to begin on the topics I'd share and discuss. I'd like to think my book is more conversational then speaking from a place I'm certain of.  I'd want to leave people understanding that we are in this together. This thing we call life. If your desire is like mine, it's to leave this earth believing you fully lived what God has for you and you fully felt what He wired you to be. My prayer is that He will trust me to be a part of others doing that as well. The next few weeks I'm going to be sharing the bits I'm learning. The videos I'm watching and the podcasts I'm listening to. My hope is that you ask questions in the comments below. What you are confused on.. what struck you.. and what you wish you could have answered. I think there is so much power in community hearing, asking, listening, sharing, and believing. So let's do just that and do it together. I'm terrible at grammar but if you want a place to be curious, I'm a safe place for that. 


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