Holidays Are Hard
Holiday seasons are heavy for all. It’s not heavy for some but all of us. Some experience it early on in life while others experience it later.
I’m truly thankful for what the holidays looked like around our house. I loved how my dad would play christmas cover songs so LOUD on the cd player, how my mom wanted a giant flocked christmas tree, how they collected nutcrackers every single year and place them all over the house. Think about it.. 5 people with 20 to 30 nutcrackers each from over the years. We easily had at least 100 nutcrackers… but in the midst of the muddy buddies being made, music playing, the tree being decorated, and the beautiful christmas lights outside the home; I knew my moms heart hurt. She lost her mom when she was 43. Her mom had been sick since she was 20 years old. After her passing, to enjoy Christmas felt like that meant she was enjoying it with out her. I think thats what heartbreak does. Guilt paralyzes us and can shape a lie that we are “moving on and forgetting all the specialness that person held inside you”.. but the truth is you are far from moving on. You aren’t forgetting memories. You are healing from pain when you choose joy instead of operating out of guilt.
Here is one thing I’m still learning about joy once the dust settles from loss… Choosing joy doesn’t mean you haven’t felt the immense pain of heartbreak.
If you need permission to choose it, here it is. Those memories you had with the person you lost are so beautiful and no one can take them away from you. Not one person can! However do not allow others to take your joy away by making you feel guilty. Don’t give anyone that permission. I don’t know what its like to physically lose someone closest to you from this world yet but I do know what loss is like and if your heart hurts this christmas season, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. No words can take away that hole in your heart but my hope for you is to find that sliver of joy to make a new tradition, to not feel guilty for smiling, and to know that we all have been there or will be there. You can respect old memories and make new ones and how beautiful is it to be able to do both.